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Dos and Don’ts After a Breakup

Many of us have been in a relationship, which did not turn out as expected. You fantasized that your partner is “The ONE”, and you both will build a life together. Then one day, that dream comes crashing down and a break-up occurs. Both parties endure agony, however, the dumpee tends to feel more anguish. With most break-ups comes the sorrow and grief of letting go of that special person. Some of the greatest lessons I learned, happened during the grieving process of a past relationship. Below, I list FOUR top pointers you should not do after a breakup.

1. Keep your heart open to Christ

  • As the dumpee, whew I sure made the mistake of turning my back away from God! I was super upset that God allowed this to happen. I felt like he did not have my back but had my now ex’s side. Especially since the ex quickly moved on, into a new relationship, which seemed to be going great (yes I am guilty for social media stalking lol…you’ve done it before too). It wasn’t until I saw this quote on social media,  “Do not hold God responsible for what a person does to you.” Wow that spoke deeply to my soul during my heartache. I realized that my anger towards God actually kept me bound to the pain because it pushed me further away from Christ. Once I noticed my ill feelings towards Christ, I had to vent it to him. I simply prayed “God I am upset with you, I feel like you do not have my back” I went on and expressed all of the emotions on my heart. Afterwards, I felt a little lighter but I definitely was not healed. This was the first step to my heart being restored. 
  • “God is near the to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”- Psalm 34:18
  • “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”- Psalm 147:3
  • He will not leave you nor forsake you”- Hebrew 13:5

2. Protect yourself from the deception.

  • After the breakup, many questions resonated within my mind. What is wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Was she more saved than I? Maybe I was too much, too demanding, not caring enough, too caring, immature, if God cared he would not allow me to be heartbroken, how is God supposedly protecting me etc.. So many questions and statements circulated on a continual basis that, at times, I could not even process my thoughts. That mental battlefield sent me to a place of feeling inadequate. The rejection made me feel inferior and lowered my self esteem. Little did I know, I began to morph myself into a different woman because I thought if I dressed like her, changed my personality, I could be a good fit for him. I was right where the enemy wanted me to be, tangled in his cobweb of lies. During moments of vulnerability, that is when the enemy is most at lurk. You have to be on guard at all times protecting yourself from the deception and untruth. You have to fight back and cast down the negative thoughts.
  • “The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy”-John 10:10. 
  • “You are fearfully and wonderfully made”- Psalm 139:14
  • “Be sober minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”- 1 Peter 5:8
  • “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”  -2 Corinthians 10:4-5

3. Focus on Yourself

  • I wasted numerous days, even months trying to determine the cause of the breakup or trying to figure out how to get that ex back. What a waste of time!  I became aware that I needed to shift gears and put that attention on myself.  When I did that, God began revealing places in my heart that needed to be fixed.  The focus went from him to me. I stopped caring about his life and more about mine. I wanted to progress and transform into the woman that God had created me to be. God opened my eyes regarding other areas like my career, purpose, friendships and more. When I stopped aiming my attention on my pain, I was able to heal and see the plans God had for me.
  • For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”- Jeremiah 29:11
  • The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.”-Psalm 9:9
  • Set your mind on things above, not earthly things.” Colossians 3:2

4. Use Time Wisely

  • This point correlates with step three. During the moments of concentrating on the reasons “WHY”, I wasted so much time, that I will never get back. I truly, regretted all the valuable time I gave up, as I was grieving the heartbreak. Now don’t get me wrong, grief is natural, but mine was extended to the point it was, unhealthy. Those moments I spent sulking in pity could have been a time of true healing, which I delayed. I have forgiven myself for spending so many days engulfed in sadness. Experience is one of the best teachers and I am now grateful for this struggle. There is a blessing in every lesson. I learned to not wallow in the situation, if it does not turn out the way you intended.  The heartbreak happened, it hurts, but open your heart to healing immediately.
  • “Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”- Mathew 6:27
  • Making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”- Ephesians 5:16-17 
  • Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”-James 4:7

Now, this is not a recipe that will immediately eliminate all pain. Everyone experiences healing at different stages and it depends on the individual.  I hope that you can take away a pointer or two from my past mistakes. One thing I know for sure is if God can heal me, he can do the same for you!

PS: What are some pointers you would give someone, post break up? Leave your advice in the comments below

Remember, we are in this journey together!

Love,

C. Allen

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Single on Valentine’s Day

HAPPY GALENTINE’S DAY

What does, Galentine, mean?

It is a new trend where ladies get together and celebrate, Valentines day. Hence the change from, “Val” to  “Gal”. Instead of being at home by yourself, it is a great way of celebrating your singlehood and exalt being content with life.  With Galentine’s day the focus adjusts from relationships to self love, happiness, and pursuing purpose.

As we all know, Valentine’s day, is primarily geared to couples celebrating their love for one another. Yet, it can cause dissatisfaction regarding one’s relationship status. Especially, for the single ladies (myself included). We tend to build this timeline in our mind about how our life should route. “I will be married by 25, have kids around 30, one boy and one girl named etc..” However, if your life is not going according to how you imagined, this beautiful “love day” highlights those inconsistencies. So cheers to whoever came up with the theme Galentine! It gives singles something to look forward to and puts the spotlight on self love.

At the end of 2017, it was placed on my heart to have a Galentine’s Dinner Party, which was amazing!!! I have pictures below for your viewing but first, I want to give words of comfort to a special individual reading this. If you are single and battling your status, I have been there and know that it can be extremely difficult. However, I want to encourage you with these few tips:

  1. Focus on the most important relationship

-The most important relationship is the one with Christ! I know it may sound cliché, and you may not want to hear it right now, but it is the ultimate truth. This is the best time to dig into your bible, Christian books, prayer, and get closer to Christ. By being near to Him, you will be able hear directions, heal, and pursue what he has for you. You’ll be so focused that you begin to enjoy life and your focal point will not be on your relationship status.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Mathew 6: 33

“Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2:2-5

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3

“But one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God. Let those of us who are mature think this way” -Philippians 3:13-15

  1. Self love:

    “In order to love someone you must first, love thyself.” Figure out who you are and embrace your beauty, mind and soul.”

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 14

 

  1. What God has for you it is for you!

This pertains to any and everything in life. If that job, relationship, marriage, kids, car, is for you, IT WILL BE! All you have to do is trust God and his timing.

“The Lord will never withhold a good thing from you” Psalm 84:11.

Amen! Now let’s view the dinner party! Hope you enjoy!

Galentine’s Dinner Party

“The table set up”

Each lovely lady received a balloon, rose, personalized card, homemade chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate covered marshmallows, and a bag with more sweets.

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-The heart bag is filled with candy and a pen for one of the games.

-Clear heart bag, held the chocolate covered strawberries and marshmallows

-personalized card for the ladies

IT’S GAME TIME!

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– Two out of the three games we played. The first was “What’s in your phone.” The person with the most points won! The scratch off game was pretty cool! Scratch off to see if you’re the winner!

– I like to call this game, Musical Gift. The gift is wrapped in newspaper like a million times (literally). The host plays music and when he/she pauses the song, the person that has the gift, unwraps only ONE layer of the newspaper. He gift keeps floating around until you get to the last layer which is actually, gift wrapping paper, and that person gets to keep the gift! Thanks mom for the idea! She also wrapped the gift so I had no clue who would win it or when the game would end lol. So much fun!

Testing out the Snapchat Geofilter, that I created for the night. If you have an event coming up, just go to Snapchat and make your own. This one I made only cost me 5.99. Prices will vary depending on style, area, and length of time you want it to run! Cool idea Snap!!!

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Personal shout out to my mother!!! She took time out, after a long day at work, to help me decorate and then off to celebrate this day with her man of 34 years (my dad lol)! She is the definition of a Proverbs 31 woman. She works hard and always tends to the needs of her family. Love you mom!

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Cheers to self love, contentment, and pursuing purpose!

Remember, we are in this journey together.

Love,

C. Allen

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